May 26, 2024
NO GLORY IN WAR,
“Memorial Day:

The only way anyone stays alive in our memory is through thoughts. I went 48 years with very few words, I would never stand when they asked military to stand, the sorrow of how most of us were treated on our return home was etched inside of my soul; no one even knew I served but family and close friends; that has changed until death.”

YOU CAN’T UN-SEE;

When you look around and see the death and destruction and try to make sense of it, you realize it makes no sense. The horror of some civilians that were killed, some very young, makes the heart cry inside, realizing some of these deaths, were most likely some of my doing. Mouth so dry even water can’t quench the need, lips cracked from the extreme heat with the night and day endless firefight with the dirt of battle all over your face and hands. Looking over the field of battle,with the undeniable smell of death and the screams of the wounded and dying. Realizing that you still have six months left of leeches,snakes, extreme hot weather, endless trails to cut into the jungles and many more firefights.

Trying not to go into a deep depression is almost impossible if you are human at all. The explosions that have long been gone still echo inside. The sounds of the medic vacs screaming in, loading the wounded and dead, and flying off are endless. Not being able to speak or want to, the carnage is so bad it is almost impossible to imagine.

The night is upon us with not many words being spoken between us. The need for self-reflection seems to be for all. We need a good night’s sleep, but that is not forthcoming. Guard duty spread around for three soldiers instead of four, making the night much longer. And sleep less.

One would think that the day’s actions would leave you and give you some mental rest, but “no,” it is replayed in your mind repeatedly. The thoughts of wounded and dead on your side, the bodies of the faceless NVA soldiers you helped stack like wood, running through your mind, but for me, the death of the innocent and especially the young, which I know will never give me peace.

I could never undo the sight of coming into some of these remote villages where bombs without the ablities to know right from wrong from above killed many. As we are walking by craters from these attacks as if nothing has happened, with the grim faces of the families that are still alive looking at us not as saviors but wishing us death. This was one of the many times I wondered why we were here.

I laugh when I hear men speak of what they would do in battle. No man knows what he will do from one firefight to the other, much less what they will do when invited to his first taste of death.

QUOTE;

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” — Mahatma Gandhi